If You Don't Run the Race

There she is again. Every day I sit here to eat my lunch, and every day she reads a book over coffee during hers. She works in the same office building that I do, but we work on different floors. I am inclined to find out more about her, but short of actually talking to her, I don't want to come off as some sort of creeper. Funny how a single romantic intention or gesture can be seen in two, perhaps more, different ways. If it is welcomed, then it's romantic and sweet. If someone has a crush on a girl, a woman rather, and she doesn't feel the same, then well, he's creepy. I typically sit outside when I eat my lunch, typically with whatever book I happen to be reading at the time. She tends to sit inside the cafe. I typically try to make it a point to notice what she's reading. Her manner of dress, the books she reads, and the overall way she presents herself have definitely turned me into her secret admirer, you know, without the corny (or creepy, depending on who you ask) notes. There have been a few instances where we have been going back into the building at the same time and I've held the door for her or vise verse. Funny how this person occupies my thoughts, yet only three things have been said between us: Thank you, you're welcome, no problem – all having to do with holding the door, or perhaps an elevator.

I have wanted to meet her, to actually speak to her for a couple of months now, but I just haven't. A small part of me is afraid of rejection, but mainly, and this sounds stupid, part of me doesn't want the reality of her to let me down when compared to the image I have of her in my mind. Who am I kidding, it IS stupid. The fear really isn't the main thing though. Most of the time, I choose to live my life as a spectator. Keeps me out of trouble. Keeps me out of everything, really. I don't hate the way I live my life, but certain things are left to be desired. People I know always tell me to just get out there and date, but I've never seen the point of going through the motions just to say that I've been with someone, or just to get laid. I am far too picky, and thankfully, patient. However, based on my current perception, I would pick her.

I've seen guys go up to random girls and start talking, and I've never seen it work. If I were to talk to her, should I let her know that I'm not just some random person, that she's not just anyone, that I want to get to know her? What would I say? I doubt that “I've been watching you read for months” would go over very well. I do better without dilemmas. It might be better if I had never seen her; then I would not have this apprehension.

The cafe where many of the people in my office building eat lunch sometimes hires musicians to play during the lunch hour. Sometimes they are good, but other times it will be a guy on a keyboard playing all of my least favorite adult alternative hits. Today, there's a guy I have not seen before. A guitarist. Nice. He's actually really good, and he's playing classical pieces. I love classical guitar. Man, if I met her today, and things somehow worked out, what a great memory this would be – to meet someone to a great soundtrack. She seems to be enjoying the PIECE he is playing. I'm tired of this shit. Fuck it, here I go.

“Excuse me. May I join you?”

-The Wolf